Nobody Knows Where They Might End Up
January 28th, 2017.
When I was 13, I was involved in a tragic car accident that would change the course of events of my life forever. It was this accident that claimed the life of my twin brother Paul. My mother was the driver that gloomy afternoon. She has not forgiven herself ever since the tragedy occurred. I watched her retire into herself and relapse into a great sea of depression. She had lost all interest in life. I watched her fade away. Although she was still alive, I liked to think of her as she was not. My dad was all I had. I suffered from retrograde amnesia for weeks after the accident. I had no memory of events before the accident occurred. My memories returned in a fury of anguish bits by pieces. And for six years of my life, I have lived with a secret that still comes to haunt me in absentia of times. My amnesia was not fully compensated for. On October 24th 2010, I had the weirdest experience. It was the first after the accident. I could not completely account for the previous day. I could remember waking up and going to bed. But I had no memory of going to school or doing any chores or writing my home work. It was like yesterday never happened. Yesterday was a blank space barricaded in a hollow pit of mysteries. I had hoped the memory would resurface. Even as a little boy, I manifested so much strength and intelligence. I could not tell my mother; she was only a vegetable. I could not tell my father now; he had a lot to deal with already. I could not tell Paul; he was only dead.
The memories never surfaced. And since October 24th 2011, I have experienced sixteen other episodes of dissociative amnesia. I started writing a diary after my second episode. The last episode as I can recall was 18th July 2016.
No wonder I was so damaged and my mind so messy. It was happening again. It happened yesterday. The day after the chase with Chike Obi. Nothing!! It was getting worse I thought. No memory of yesterday happening except a souvenir of a bitter after taste of its aftermath. Something terrible happened. I did something and it was very bad. I proceeded to look at the notes I scribbled for the events of January 27th, 2017. All that was, was a neat tear- the proof of a missing page. Whatever happened was So bad that whoever took out that page had been so ashamed that he proceeded to eliminate that piece of information. It was such an interesting dynamic and it left me dumbfounded in unimaginable disbelief. And for the rest of today, I retired to myself… thinking… trying to figure out a time line… patch up intricate pieces. I would find a way. I always did.
Vivian invaded my solitude. I decided not to let this setback steal the joy I had managed to save up from meeting Vivian. She already thought I was crazy now. I could smell the uneasiness as she spoke to me. She could witness the madness blazing from my eyes. I tried to evade every question she asked pertaining yesterday. I watched aimlessly as she went on to reiterate how I left so suddenly, Professor Obinna’s Parastology and Entomology class and how Derrick had spotted me running so hastily that he feared something was up. I realized now that she did not think of me crazy. She was concerned. I was not used to such affection. But OH! How I was going to exploit it in every ramification of mischief that exists. She was making it simple. I was optimistic, with not the slightest glimpse of the dramatic chain of events that I felt would occur.
I finally was able to keep my cool, and in a fashion of the warmth that graced the afternoon breeze, I asked Vivian to tell me all about yesterday. I did not want to upset her now or change her apprehension of me- I was “her knight in shining armour”- She had texted me this evening. I was going to use her and then plunge her to her demise. I am not sorry. She did not ponder so much why I decided to reminisce on yesterday. But like a tattletale, she started… “classes were enlightening with Professor Obinna’s at the peak…” she reiterated on how the entire class went totally bonkers when Prof. Obinna announced a forthoming test to carry 10 marks. I mean I had only been in nine classes these past few days since resumption. It felt like months… and all that time, I have only graced the shadow of professor Obinna once and there was going to be a test? I was taken aback in bewilderness. The test would be on monday and I know not what to do. PAE102. I lamented outrageously as the course code registered like bad news. I saw the future… this was the beginning of my failure. “… you left class and I watched you through the window talk on the phone for more than thirty minutes.” Immediately she said that, I reached for my phone and browsed my call logs only to see a registered call from my dad fitting the timeline of that afternoon . According to the record, the call lasted thirty three minutes tops. I have never spoken that long with dad before. The pieces like a jigsaw puzzle were coming together now with still so many missing pieces.
Whatever my dad and I conversed had made me react so drastically. What was it? What was I going to do? The walk back home today was lonely… one of the feelings I was accustomed to. My loneliness today stemmed from the giant hole in my reality that had plunged me into its abyssmal burial ground of great depths of confusion. And as a raging storm swelled in my brain… tormenting my neurons. Tears came rolling.
Was it time to tell someone about my sickness? I did not know. I wondered as I picked up the phone. I dialed Princess. She did not answer. What a waste of time.
Dear diary… Something terrible happened yesterday.